I hear what you're saying.

No matter how many chemicals I took, I still couldn't be happy right now because my situation is objectively grim (chronic pain, damaged brain, seizures, major physical limitations, pick up truck destroyed in accident, dog died, brother has prostrate cancer, career gone, huge medical and legal bills, husband's job in peril, marriage stormy - Heck, throw in some ingrown toenails and set it to the key of F and my life would be a country song.) Frankly, if I were happy, I'd be stark raving mad.

That said, I still think the power and responsibility to change all that rests with me.

Firstly, I try to focus on the positives (a great kid who needs me, for example). Although I've broken the rule here, I try never to think about all my problems at once so I don't feel overwhelmed. I take things one day at a time and try not to let my imagination run wild with concerns about the future. Frankly, a lot of things we worry about never happen or turn out to be a lot less awful than we'd imagined. Other things are going to happen no matter what we do, so there's no point worrying.

Worrying eats up tons of energy that could be better spent addressing problems constructively. I know I can't solve all my problems at once. Instead I pick something small and ask, "How can I make this better?"

One thing I knew I could do, was work my butt off in physical therapy. My progress is slow, but over the years I've gotten myself to a place nobody would have predicted when I first woke up. Is it a long way from perfect? Hell, yes - but I'm not done yet.

Aware that over 80% of couples spilt after my kind of brain injury, I knew we couldn't sit back and wait to see what happened. Marriage therapy has been tough: the personality changes caused by the injury have left us strangers to each other. What we have tried to focus on is making ourselves back into a unit that can parent our child in a stable environment. Is this the fun, compatible, passionate marriage we had before? No. However, it does allow us to discharge our responsibilities to our child. This is a limited concept of marriage that is a long way from perfect, but it's better than it would be otherwise - and we're not done yet.

When faced with a mountain of problems, you can wilt in its long shadow or you can start chipping away at it. I wish I had some dynamite that could blow the whole thing away in one big, liberating explosion - but I don't. Instead I have a fork, so I have to look for the soft spots (the little problems) and start scrapping. My progress is slow and often imperfect, but it's still progress. And it's amazing how solving a few little problems (painting a shabby wall, losing a few pounds) can give you the confidence and energy to confront bigger ones.

I know it sounds cliche, but life is a journey and every journey starts with a step. Don't stand still feeling overwhelmed and waiting for some ideal of perfection nobody ever really achieves. Instead, take a step. Take the smallest of baby steps, then don't look ahead and lament, look back and be amazed how far you've come. Follow that simple plan and you might be surprised to find yourself sprinting over the hill that used to be your mountain.

Cheers