I've actually never seen an eye doctor. I should prolly get on that...

*randomly separated some paragraphs for people with DV.*

Alice,

Isn't it amazing the doubts we can have about our own bodies? I've had hand weakness for years and years, and knew on some level that it wasn't normal, but also knew that it was so strange, and so hard to describe at times, that I was sure I wouldn't be believed about it...

I remember that the sensitivity to light started around the same time as the weak hands. I remember early mornings, walking to the bus stop, and being embarassed because my eyes were going completely deranged from the sunlight...I'd get on the bus, with my head down, hoping no one would notice that my eyelid and eyeball were like totally not behaving...

It would always clear up, though, sooner than later, but I felt tired at this time too, fatigued...It was also around this time that people around me would complain because I'd always chew with my mouth open...I'd try to chew with my mouth closed, but I seriously could not...It seemed like there wasn't enough space in my mouth or something...I felt 'uncouthe,' but I'd explain

that for some reason, it was just impossible for me to do it...I tried to limit public eating as much as possible...Would tend to spill food on my shirt...I really internalized this...I didn't think of this as a disability, I just have always felt that I was very odd, or 'special' but not in such a good way...lol

I think that in many ways, this is why I'm so fascinated/semi-obsessed with this illness at this point in my life (although I hope to close this chapter soon as I'm ready to). Not just because my current sx have interfered with my life in such a big way, but because since finally finding out what the heck was wrong, I've been able to say to myself, "it's not your fault- you're not insane.

You're not a loser or a weirdo. You're sick and you know that now, and you're going to be okay because of that." I know that might sound kinda lame, or kinda tv-movieish or cheesy, but my self-esteem has been so affected by being ill for so long and blaming it on some innate imperfection, that finally

having a reason has freed me and allowed me to trust me again, trust my instincts, listen to my body, respect my body. It has been plaguing me for so many years, so insidiously, but I've identified it, and it can't wreak havoc without a face anymore.

Sorry that I hijacked this thread.