i have NOT been standing still.

and i have put those big girl pants on time and time again.

and got excited about possibilities and worked towards them time and time again.

has it got me anywhere in... SEVEN YEARS????

NO!

people have even quit replying to my job inquiries.

have i tried "something different?"

YES - all kinds of things.

and i'm frickin tired of it... tired of trying and stabbing, and scraping, and thinking, and edging and trying to use my imagination, and thinking out of the box and stabbing and scraping some more with pants skirts and my hair tied up in an elegant bun and STILL just

NOT GETTING ANYwhere.

i'll try not to worry about my retirement. (the way things are going i'd be better off never to reach that age.)