putterfit I am so sorry about your son Steven. Our son Michael was 31 when he suicided...it was 20 years ago last month, we managed to go on but our family was forever changed. Less than a year....that really isn't very long on this seemingly endless grief journey.

Are you able to concentrate enough yet to read? There are a couple of excellent books that may help you through some of this...My Son, My Son, by Iris Bolton and Tear Soup. Is there a support group (Not Compassionate Friends) near you? Talking heals us...and a support group for survivors of suicide will offer you the opportunity to share Steven's life with others who know what you are going through...and no one there will ask you why.....we all ask ourselves why until we understand that there is no answer to that question.

Our Nik-key here, is on her second year of losing her Dad to suicide. She too, will be able to identify with the tears you shedd.

I'm so glad you posted.