Tyson,

my pulmonologist told me that if I have a respiratory infection I can end up intubated in the ICU, as it is I have to use my respirator after every mild exertion,

and yet, yesterday I went to one of the internal medicine wards to be there with a very ill patient and his family. I knew that it was very important for me, and for them, and I wouldn't forgive myself if I did not do that, because I was afraid of the risk of infection.

I seldom go to the internal medicine wards, because it requires a lot of effort and is risky for me, but this time I knew that there is no way that I will not.

I don't travel very much, but a few months ago, I went abroad, because there was a conference it was very important for me to attend. I knew that there was some risk involved in doing that, and I did have one day, in which I was not sure I made a very good decission...but, I am now very glad that I did that.

we can't be accpeted to give up all our plans and dreams. but, we do need to decide which are worth the possible price we may need to pay, and which are not. it is basically true for everyone, because every decission that we make in our life, has its advantages, dissadvantages and possible risks. but, it is even more true for us, because the margins that we have are much smaller, although they still exist.

what use is a life without a meaning or purpose? what use is a life of constant fear? we have to find the right balance that will not endager us unreasonbly, but at the same time enable us to live a life worth living.

we also may have to find the tools and aids that will keep us safer (like a respirator in case we go into respiratory failure), and also enable us to do more. (like a special mouse, keyboard, etc.)

some of us are lucky and achieve complete remission, which (obviously) makes this task easier, but some do not, and they too can find the way to lead a good and productive life, even if quite different that what it may have been otherwise.

in a way there is an advantage to being young, because when I became ill, I already had my life fully planned and I had to go back and think like a teenager about everything. make my choices ,decissions and priorities all over again.

I found myself talking with my 17, and 22 year old sons, and having very similar questions to theirs, about what life is all about, when I was at the age that most people (including myself before I became ill) supposedly have all the answers.

I can't give you any advice as to your planned trip, because there is no way I can know how important it really is for you, and what price you are ready to pay.

I can tell you, based on my medical knowledge, and reading your posts occasionaly, that most likely there is significant risk involved, and this should not be ignored. especially that it does not seem that you have any equipment with you that can be used in case you have significant respiratory problems, and no one with you that would know what to do, if this happens.

I think you would be much safer, and could take more reasonable risks, if you had such equipment, and your family and friends would recieve some training regarding it.

alice