I am so sorry. you are going through so much pain and it is not your fault.
lately i have been saying in some situations that i am not to blame out loud and you have to take care of it. i don't know why i have waited this late in my life to say it but it is beginning to come out. it should have come out years ago. it is not whining either.it is a statement as if i am finally standing up for myself. I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT AS LONG AS I HAVE HAD TO WAIT. I AM SURE THE KIDS YOU TEACH LOVE YOU WHETHER YOU HAVE YOUR PANTS TUCKED INTO YOUR HOSE OR NOT. You must be so very stressed out. I am so glad you are hanging in there and also being in a situation where you are getting positive things from. 'Bobby