Mike, I'm so glad you came back to talk. Everything you are feeling, all the thoughts you are thinking are normal. I know that men grieve differently then woman do...and that they feel a responsibility to "fix things" for everyone else..but some things just can't be fixed. They have to be endured, "lived through" and that can be almost impossible at times.

Living with MS, going through a divorce, ending a marriage with someone who didn't "get it" is having way more on your plate than you want in one time period. I'm sorry...

I am such an advocate of a good support group for survivors of suicide, for those of us who are left behind because they understand...without you saying a word.

Fr. Charles Rubey (L.O.S.S. Group, Chicago Ill) said it far better than I can:

"The experience of being in the physical presence of other
survivors has, in itself, a therapeutic value
which cannot be duplicated by any other methods of
resolving grief.
A veteral survivor can instill a subtle message of hope
with his or her very existence."

And this forum is a wonderful place to find support...we are here for you and it will get better Mike...it's going to take a long time but it will get easier to live with this loss.