I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. Also sorry that your sister could not help you with some strength right now.
I hope that the shul helps you out. Let them --- and try not to feel guilty.
I think sometimes when we feel low, we think we deserve it in some fashion. This is what we hear from others in society and it is horrible.
I don't know about the nature of suffering or the reasons for it. I'm not sure anyone knows. I do remember that some writers have tried to come up with ways to think about it / approach the question.
http://www.gurus.org/dougdeb/Courses...ner/BTmain.htm From Harold S. Kushner:
Quote:
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to forgive the world for not being perfect, to forgive God for not making a better world, to reach out to the people around us, and to go on living despite it all." [page 147]
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I wish I had power to lift you from the burden of guilt. Are you able to get away from guilt some days / is it worse on other days?
M.