This is only the tip of the iceberg of what I am dealing with. The litany of what I have gone through and the poor decisions that I have made since Jan of 06 and even before continue to haunt all the time. I am attempting to rectify some of them but then I wonder what is the use and why even bother!

The funny thing is that up until I was told I had MS and then 3 weeks later that I had Prostate cancer I was a very positive person that I always believe that the glass was 3/4 full and that things would always work out for the better. Then in Jan of 07 I was just tired of fighting the changes that my disease forced upon me and a wife that believed that I should turn my back on one of my kids who needed my help. That was the day I took over 90 pills and had a heart rate of 8 when I got to the hospital. I died that night but for some reason GOD sent me back and I wish that he had not.

I am still tired of fighting.

Living with MS, going through a divorce, ending a marriage with someone who didn't "get it" is having way more on your plate than you want in one time period. I'm sorry...

I am such an advocate of a good support group for survivors of suicide, for those of us who are left behind because they understand...without you saying a word.

Fr. Charles Rubey (L.O.S.S. Group, Chicago Ill) said it far better than I can:

"The experience of being in the physical presence of other
survivors has, in itself, a therapeutic value
which cannot be duplicated by any other methods of
resolving grief.
A veteral survivor can instill a subtle message of hope
with his or her very existence."

And this forum is a wonderful place to find support...we are here for you and it will get better Mike...it's going to take a long time but it will get easier to live with this loss. [/QUOTE]