Mari,

It was very hard for me to connect with people healthy for a long time and I still have trouble but have improved. When I had been isolated from others by my ex husband I yearned to connect with others after my split from him. I would literally bend over backwards to please people. I also would sacrifice the boundaries that I should have had in place for the chance of having a friend. In that process the people I would bend over backwards to make friends with took advantage of me and over stepped the boundaries that I didn't know how to set. I have over the years since my split with my ex made some nice freinds. I have only a few who are really true friends out of dozens or more that I know and speak with who are more like acquaintances. Trial and Error is how I have learned to make the people connection and a willingness on the other's part to hang in there with me. That's what defines my true friends to this day, the ones who have hung in there with me through my trials and errors. One of the things that true freinds will do is they will always come back to you or take you back when you come to them after a big fight.

What I learned to do is not come on too strong when trying to cultivate a new freind like I use to do. Three years ago I was too earger to make friends and the people bounced on that to step all over me. It is hard work to cultivate a true friend for sure. The majority of people are not true friend material and there is a lot of weeding through to do.

This would be a good topic to discuss with a therapist and I may very well bring it up to mine as I am still finding out how to.