This is hard for me to write about.
Since I tend to run on the mostly hypomanic side of bipolar it is hard for me to explain when I am "unwell".
For a while I have been running high.
I have been having a lot of fun...., have been enjoying the festivities...the christmas cruise, new years eve, my birthday and then birthday dinner surprise after that, valentines day, super bowl, mardi gras and a gala that was over the top....with my neighbor who is over the top.
Fun Fun Fun......
WE have been spending a lot of money eating dinners out. Spending more money in general....I have been less inhibited, more talkative, more friendly.

It seems that I am happy and enjoying my life but have been overendulging, have been eating nonstop have gained weight my scrubs look terrible, it is like I never slowed down enough to really see how unprofessional they looked I have to go buy new ones. sigh
I thought I was going to join a gym but that is very expensive and a commitment. Which I am terrible at making.
This weekend has been a blur.
Friday night I was so easily distracted and not paying attention that I was chatting in a chat room with someone and the phone rang and got distracted then jeff was watching a movie that I decided to watch with him and left that person in the chat room waiting for me to come back....terrible of me.
I felt so badly about it later when I returned to the computer and figured out what happened. This happens time and time again when I get hypomanic...I have to start back peddling to apologise for my behavior.
Because it is thoughtless and careless....not like myself...or is it. That is when I start to feel badly about myself,
and start to get mad and angry at myself...and then the self loathing comes up.
Yesterday I spent 4 hours with a girlfriend, we went to lunch and then a museum I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Later at the end of the day...I had already forgotten what I had done...the day was gone and I had to sit and think for a few minutes what I did then remembered my girlfriend and our outing...I had already forgotten. I was running so fast. I started reading this book on line about twilight. I was obcessed with reading I was so absorbed (the story is so good)that I continued to ignore the fact that it was getting late and I had to get myself cleaned up and do my exercises and get ready for bed and it was 1am. (Usually I take my meds and go to bed and lights out by midnight)....I sat there in the bathroom frozen unable to decide what to do first...it took me forever to get a grip and make myself do what I had to do. I had upset my routine. I got to bed at 2am....wide awake....waiting for my meds to kick in.
I feel like I get self absorbed and feel terrible about it all, like I have been ignoring Jeff.
So again I start apologizing...this is part of my bipolar and this is where I have to really pay attention and reel it in.
Jeff is not going to say anything to me about it. He concentrates on his music. I am already taking alot of meds, both my pdoc and tdoc tell me that I have to just learn how to deal with my behavior....and thus the consequences.
I have to slow myself down like I am doing and get back to reality and back to a more sane and moderate living.....
I am going to try not to beat myself up.
~sigh
bizi