I'm lucky that my wife is very understanding; but I'm pretty good at managing it most of the time. She's mostly seen me get very depressed, although there are mixed/hypo periods that are hard to differentiate... you know, are you finally pulling out of that depression or are you heading in some other direction...

I do worry about her ability to cope with me and my issues. I wish she'd find a therapist she could discuss it with because right now she has nobody to really talk to about it.

I'm not sure if I really understand it. I don't even like the word bipolar. I think I fear people thinking I'm making excuses or something; or worse thinking that I'm totally out there and undependable. I feel less of a struggle saying I have a mood disorder. I fear that most people don't understand.

I'm going through life and going through trial after trial and I'm like the Energizer bunny or a Timex. I carry the wisdom of all those experiences along wih the pain. But I feel like I'm becoming like some mysterious old sage who just knows things. Knows things about the deepest darkest caverns inside but keeps the secret and doesn't tell. I operate day to day and go to work with 1% of my soul. The rest of it lies within the maze of this illness and what it has seen me through...

I carry secrets. My life is about carrying secrets.

How could anyone understand?