Not being able to half way see is starting to drive me insane. It is so hard to be on the computer which is my life line. I hate T.V. and it seems that no one is calling me because I am down and out and who likes to be part of that? If some people can't have you when a person is up and doing good they sure don't want you when your down. I want to get drunk on one hand but I know that will only spell trouble. I've already getting low on my Ativan from taking that every day the past week. I don't want to take any more of that even and get in a medication haze. I've thought about smoking a cigarette but even that won't help me. The walls are coming down on me and it's comparable to being in seclusion for the past week. It is unsafe for me to drive so here I sit alone as usual. I don't know any of my neighbors to go see them. I just called up a so called friend and told her she can stop ignoring my calls becasue I don't want her to take me anywhere. Every time I get down and out she ignores my calls. I can't see good enough to read so I am a prisoner in my own body. I can't sleep away the day.

barbara