Hello Colleen, I'm glad you found this place too. It's a healing place, even for people like me who have never lost a loved one to suicide. When I stumbled upon this forum, I was severly depressed, to the point of being suicidal.

I believe that suicide is not a choice, as hard as it may be to understand. When you are that depressed it is a constant battle. Every time I open the silverware drawer, I literaly have to force myself not to grab a knife and stab it into my wrist. If I fail to stop that impulse even once, then the end result is suicide. I know it might be hard to picture, but if you have even one weak moment that's all it takes.

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles, but this is a wonderful, healing place. My depression is so much easier to bear since I found this place. I hope you continue to come here and share with us.