Quote:
Originally Posted by plgerrard
And, Melody, it's not just the schools. A friend of mine had a similar experience.
Her husband left home when their son was 14, causing an otherwise gentle boy to rebel. My friend already had her hands full with the situation when at 4:00 one morning she gets a call to come get her son from jail.
He had snuck out of the house after she had fallen asleep. Took her car keys and went joy riding. She had already meted out her own punishment, but felt he should also understand the consequences of breaking the law.
She didn't hire an attorney. Instead went to court and made him plead guilty. When the prosecutor recommended 4 weeks community service, she agreed, because she wanted her son to learn his lesson. In fact she thought that was getting off too easy.
But, the judge told her she was responsible for her son, fined her $500 dollars and let the son off with nothing. What did he learn from that? It was OK for him to break the law, because his mom would have to pay?
That is exactly what he learned. Fortunately, after about a year of rebellion, his gentle nature finally won out. But I wonder how many criminals that judge has turned out, by not teaching children responsibility when they are still young enough to learn it.
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Wow, interesting story. I feel for your friend. Thankfully, her son straightened himself out.
During the time when my son was 12 and doing the stealing of the school key, and other such nonsense, we started tough love meetings. We wanted to nip it in the bud. He was an only child, but kids DO do stuff and you have to show them they can't get away with it.
Where did we take him the following saturday? To the Scared Straight Program at Rahway Prison. We had seen a documentary and we watched how the convicts put the kids on the stage in an auditorium setting and each convict would go up and down and scream and tell the kids that YOU ARE GOING TO WIND UP HERE if you don't straighten up.
I will never forget that experience as long as I live. You should have seen the teenagers that were being marched in by their youthful offender guards. Don't know what else to call these guards. It seemed that when a kid is under 18 and over 10 or something like that and they commit crimes, they might wind up in juvenile detention centers. So once in a while, they will bring group of these kids to the Scared Straight Program.
The day we got there was the first and last time I have ever spent in a prison.
We walked in and sat down, (they took Frank into another room, got him on line, and we had to wait to be seated in the auditorium with the parents).
So all of a sudden, all these guards came out with rifles and guns, and I just jumped out of my seat.
This was not in the prison itself but out of the auditorium.
So we are all ushered into this auditorium which is encased in a cage. The convicts are on the outside of the cage, and we are inside and seated.
All of a sudden three convicts aproach us, and sit with us and say "Okay, tell me what the problem with your son is". We spoke to the guy (turns out he was in for life for murder) BUT WAS THE NICEST CARING GUY I HAVE EVER SPOKEN TO. He explained that the prisoners don't get any special favors for doing this, they just want to do their part so these young ones don't end up like they do.
So we had a chat. Next thing I know I see my son sitting with about 50 kids squatting on the floor on the stage arranged in a circle. Each convict took his turn. Because our son's back was to us he couldn't see us or what we were doing. All of a sudden, the convict sitting with us, motions the guy on the stage, points to Frank, as if to say "Single him out and give it to him good".
The convict did so. They must have codes that they use between them.
I watched my surroundings and outside of the cage, were the other convicts, and Inside the cage (near us but not next to us), were armed guards.
I never saw such things in all my life.
When it was over, you saw lots of kids crying on the stage as they were being marched off.
It was a VERY DIFFERENT GROUP coming off the stage that WENT ON THE STAGE.
Some got the message.
Going home in the car, my son blurted out "I don't know what you thought this would do for me, but I wasn't scared". Yes, he was.
My son didn't have any more STUFF happening until he turned 15.
So from age 12 to 15, he was behaved in school. Had his little meltdowns at home but we talked him through it.
He always said "It's about control, I have to be in control"
Without going to much into what we have been through with this kid, I'd just like to tell you a dialogue I had with him a few years ago (after he left home).
He has never worked a day in his life, saying "I have anxiety, I can't do this, I can't do that" He's a gambler. And he lives for video games on the computer.
I once asked him 'why did you really leave home". His reply:
"Let me ask you one thing, would you have let me stay there, not work, and you take care of me, and I could stay in my room and not have to anything, would you have allowed that?"
I said "are you out of your mind, what kind of parent would do that, what kind of mother would I have been to let you live like that, with no responsibility".?
His reply "now you know why I left".
Never forgot that.
never will
So I will now end all the discussions about my private life.
This experience has changed me so much. I have had to re-think my priorities and decide to MAKE MYSELF COME FIRST.
So I sprout.
lol
I'm better for it. I do videos on youtube, and I have made friends.
Not easy at age 62. But I did it.
Take care, and thanks for listening.
Melody