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Bossle · 03-18-2010, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobber

Ive not heard too many people discuss melt downs,,,I am a compassionate man,I have empathy for others and Love life and God. Ive noticed thru the course of this disease,whether its just wearing me down physically and mentally of if in reality,its destroying the mind,plus I have factored in the side effects of medicine to the demeanor of a persons charactor. What has scared me and alarmed me is that the other day ,while on the phone with a friend of 15 years,he was in error of a subject that he kept debating me on,he later on after reasearch found that he was wrong,But the focus of this thread ,is after discussiong the matter for an hour on the phone and him defending his views,,I had a major melt down and Wigged out on him. I snapped..I felt like I was loseing my mind,,in rage I ranted,,,That is not me, where did this come from,,Its like turning into a wearwolf,,My patience have grown thin,,,I love my wife dearly,,I appreciate you people as well,and know everyone is hurting,,But this gives me no right to lose control,,My med intake is small due to sensitivity,,But its still a factor,,but the rage that came out of me,is not the person that I want this disease to turn me into,,In the last year Ive became short with people at times,when before RSD came into my life,,,I am so sorry,,with this rapid spread,has comsumed me..I want to hold onto my integrity,,,Has anyone else experineced this,,,Im trying to comprhend whether its just the disease keeping me in pain the meds,the shock of the spread,ect,,,or is it the RSD, deterorating the mind. Im not like that all the time,I try to be up beat,,,but I do notice a change going on,,,I used to be able to debate or argue with the best of them ,so to speak,,but now,my button has gotton bigger,for which is a huge defect to my charactor,,Ive noticed that I dont handle contoversal problems well any more,,I mean I do handle everyday issues ok ,,So im not like that all the time,,I havent been that easy for someone to draw me out like that,,,,Im just going by the other day when I T'ee'd off on my buddy on the phone,,,,,,,,,,,,,,bobber ,,,PS plus Im getting older than dirt and I dont want to end up in a rubber room,Liveing out my end days in a paddle cell with a guy named no neck vinnie bringing me my thorseen shot to shut me up

I can appreciate this post! I am normally a very tolerant and forgiving person. I have had CRPS/RSD for 7 months, diagnosed, but think I have really had it for about 3 years after 2 major heart attacks and open heart surgery.
I have noticed that my tolerance for others and my family has been reduced to say the least. Sometimes I just want to yell at everyone for just talking.
I used to be "the life of the party" always joking and laughing. I used to go out of my way to avoid confrontation and stay neutral when it came to dabates. Now, I have actually had a friend tell me they were purposly avoiding me because the conversations are so depressing and difficult to get through. I appreciated the honesty, but boy did it hurt to hear. I realized as she told me this, that for the past year my family and I have not been getting invited to get togethers and events like we used to.
I have always cherished the fact that I had a ton of friends and that I was a social butterfly.

I don't want to be like that, and I try to remain positive as much as I can. However, I catch myself complaining of the pain multiple times a day. I also find myself being paranoid that no one believes that I really have something wrong. It's a horrible thing to go through.

I hope you were able to reconcile with your friend because having friends is one of the most important things in life. Everyone tells me if they are really a good friend they will hang tough with me. But, I think everyone has a point though where they don't want to be around someone. Im a marriage it would be called a Divorce. Regrettably, in a friendship if feels more like abandonment. I have to remind myself constantly it is not the world against me. It's mainly me against me right now. That is why this site is so great. It helps me see that I am not alone in this process and others are dealing with the same exact problems I am, and many times, they are much worse shape than me. I just havent learned how to cope with this yet. I hope I learn soon.

I wish you the best.