Alison,
Thanks so much to take time and write out so many things that run theough my head but I can not keep in order.

I did have problems with my anxiety and heart murmur on Sunday. But, tonight I am trying to sleep and my murmur hs me feeling double beats, not racing, just like gulps. I took my ,05 ativan. I do not want to take anything else, but will call the doctor in the AM. When this strong woman vrashes it is not a pretty sight, it is scary.

I do not want to be out of it, but want the heart palps or whatever it is to go away or I am going to scare someone. Being tough and strong as the tears sneak out. But not sleeping, doing my bio feedback to relax, and still get the glump glump, high in the chest near my throat.

THey did have to give me a few things to stop it on Sunday, I don;t want to get taht bad, but now I am scared of medicine. I had a valium I take for spasms around 4:00 PM, didn't do a think.

One thing I did consider, my asthma, it is burtal cold and I went down De's to get her teddy bear and Angel light, so I used my albuterol, just two sprays twice today, I do get shakey and anxiety from its use at times?

I think maybe call the PCP in the AM and explain, maybe instead of valium, take a xanax,I do not want to end up in an ambulance.

RIght now I will try a chamiole tea, ( Bottle of wine, just joking), and rub down with the green tea lotion, maybe that will help calm them.Maybe Motrin, isn't that a beta blocker? Sounds like a plan. It may ahve been gathering the teddy and things that set it off....Teddy has a ciggerette burn on his butt, about 3" around. I can't imagine that his stuffing did not catch on fire. Her blanket has about a dozen burn holes. I guess that is bothering me too, how many times did she come close to a tragedy and God averted?

I am calm, I am not crying sobbing, I diced cheese and made the dips, also pickeled eggs. I am not eating much. I had a slice of left over pizza,
I am finding it concerning. I definatly do not want an ER like Sunday.

About Four hours and pcp will be open. If it will calm the palp's and he can give something i better take it then be like this or worse....

It is not as bad as when I first tried to sleep an hour ago.
I otherwise feel Ok, just this glump glump every once in the while, like a double beat, or stong beat, from the mitral valve????

Well, chamamille tea and motrin for now and try to sleep.I should be OK, it is quite some time since I felt one come on.....
ITs my broken heart, trying to piece itself together.
I am feeling better now.
Di