I'm so sorry about your husband's MS.
Its frustrating for him to be so depressed, and also for you to feel alienated not know how best to help.

I have MS and before diagnosis (3 years ago), didn't have a clue why I'd get teary-eyed occasionally. I remember going to the doctor and telling him, "I don't know what's wrong with me!" He put me on some anti-depressants, but they didn't really help (or maybe I didn't give them a good enough trial period).

When I'm in the state of mind, everything that's wrong appears to be my husband's fault! Its not, of course, but being emotional/irrational can play tricks on your mind and cloud what the real problem is.

To show your support, could you maybe suggest that he join you in a walk around the block? Take this time to express your love and concern, and offer to support him in any way you can.

If he can't bring himself to do that, maybe you could make his favorite dessert and special deliver it to him, joining him in eating it. This would give you the same kind of non-threatening opportunity to tell him how much you care. Maybe give him a gentle shoulder massage and seal it with a hug and kiss.

In addition to the counseling, I would suggest that you encourage him to make an appt. with his neuro to see if maybe he's in the throes of a flare.

MS is such a mysterious and difficult disease. So much of treating is is purely guesswork, IMO. Just do the best you can, TW, and know that even if your husband doesn't appear to appreciate your efforts immediately, he will eventually. It is good to do what you mentioned--to go about your day like normal and to be kind and considerate; e.g.: "Honey, would it bother you too much if I vacuumed right now?"

Welcome to NeuroTalk and I hope that you are able to get some direction from the caring folks here. Is your husband a member? We'd love to get to know him, too!

Good luck and best wishes to you both! I do hope you'll keep us posted.