Sorry Guys...this thread just brought me to tears. I can understand what each of you has to say & exactly how you feel. I'm there too. My PN started one day out of the clear blue & that was 8 yrs. ago this last august. It progressed over the yrs. & these last 24 months have been the icing on the cake. I no longer say.."How can it get any worse?".

It too has ruined my dreams. I'm a chocolatier, been making candy on & off for 26 yrs.. To make a long story short I finally after all these yrs. have my dream commercial kitchen & have re-opened my business. Problem is now...I can't stand up anymore. We spent 1000's of dollars getting this thing built & filled with all my dream pieces of equipment & it all just sits there with me looking at it & crying.

We have a handful of accts. & I can barely handle that, ex-hubby has been making most of the product. But he does not make things like I do. When my PN moved into my hands I knew for sure I was almost over. I hand roll all of my bon bons & truffles.I spent most of the last 2 yrs. in bed. I can work on product lines, answer the phone & such but not much more.

So far my PN has been untreatable in the way of pain meds. Nothing.... after trying over 30 medications plus a series of epidurals has worked. SO the pain knocks your socks off continuously. I use to have flair ups from eating the wrong foods from the food allergies I have & instead giving those foods up I just kept eating them & sometimes I feel like I'm just killing myself w/ this gluten thing I have going on.

We all know about seeing different doctors....I been there with that too. Next thing on the agenda to try & help me w/ this pain is a pain pump inserted under the skin.....kind of scared me. So...I went home from the doctors & told him.....ok I'll go cold turkey....will try the holistic living, vitamins, diet & exercise route for a few months & lets see what happens.

I got depressed because I use to have just a bad week or so that the PN was unbearable, but then that changed to me experiencing more days like that. It got me down to having only 5 decent days out of the month, now that too has changed & I'm down the whole month. Been like this 3 months now.

I feel in trouble, serious trouble, hubby is a disabled vet. My biggest fear....our house is not paid for by a long shot. If something happens to him, he has no life insurance, cannot get it because he is on narcotics for pain & PTSD. I have visions of seeing myself walking down a road pushing a grocery cart that has everything I own in it & my 2 little dogs tied to the cart w/ a rope.

SO thats my motivation to try harder to do something here. Living w/ this crap everyday combined with the fear of what will become of me scares me to death. And yes it true sometimes the loved ones around us just burn out from this constant pain we have & how it makes us behave. This is surely a terrible way to have to live everyday.