Jane, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your baby boy. I know it makes little sense why these things happen, but they do. I have miscarried three times.

I had two miscarriages. One at two months, the next at four months. This was before I had my first child. I, too, was devastated.

Once I had the first baby, I thought it would never happen again. It did. I was 5 1/2 months pregnant, and I had a leak in the amniotic fluid (water surrounding the baby). It was minor but they had no way to fix it back then.

The fluid kept leaking until the baby died inside me, from having no fluid to survive. They did not have any ultrasound machines back then, just the old scope to hear the heart beat, and X-rays.

They were afraid to abort me even though the baby was not kicking and no heartbeat could be found. I felt gas bubbles and thought maybe, just maybe the baby was alive and just not a mover or kicker. But no.

I had to carry it until it aborted itself. It was the protocol back then. It was the worst time of my life to wear maternity clothes and know the baby was not alive, and waiting for it to abort itself. It took two weeks to abort. It was the worst two weeks of my life. I prayed, I cried.

The doctor said you can have more children, you are young. Yes, true I said, but I wanted this one, I fell in love with this one, from day one. I hemorrhaged with all three miscarriages and had D & C's after each.

I still had my first born and was so happy I did have the one child. But even though it was eons ago. I still miss the ones I lost especially the two I felt move and kick.

I went on to have two more children. So I had been pregnant 6 times. The second one I lost they let my see. The last one they did not, because of the length of time of death and birth was two weeks.

So I understand my dear how it hurts, how it should not be. But we are not the one who determines which child we will get.

I had to take Prevera pills to hold onto the three I did have. I was low on Progesterone, which helps make the bed lining in the uterus, and keeps it from shedding its lining monthly.

The leak I had, was just a odd happening no one knew why. It was just not to be. I had to settle for that.

I feel for you and your husband. I pray with time you all will heal and go on to have more children in your lives. Bless you.

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