Hang on HANG on! I certainly hear your plea for help! I saw that there were no responses to your thread (yet!) but I just wanted to stop by and say WHOA.....!
Big deep breath.....

Take a BIG deep breath! You've found a wonderful place.
Actually, I had to take a double-take, because I thought I was reading a post I myself had written!! There are so many similarities in what you are saying.

I just want you to know that there are so many VERRRY knowledgable folks here who can help talk you through this.
You are making a plea for help.....good call. But PLEASE try not to let everything overpower you like an avalanche!
.....and when I read someone saying something like ..."you're ready to end it all....!!" no no no
Dawwnnt Duit.

This forum is PACKED full of people who will give you the support and direction you are so desperately seeking. Just hang in there ok!

It's a process of elimination.....
You are NOT alone in this!
5 months ago your post could have been something I wrote!
Since then, things have turned around (slowly it seems), but at least I feel as though I've got control of this 'condition'....it doesn't have control over ME!

You'll get responses to your thread. Take everything to heart. Read the important 'crash course' information that is at the top of the page listed in the 'stickies' ..... Many knowledged wonderful people have spent countless hours putting together all this information to help people like you and me realise that we CAN gain control of this.....

I saw your post and I couldn't log off for the night until I did my best to send you some HOPE....!

Help is on the way..........
These folks are a fantastic TEAM of inspiration and logic.....
Listen to what they have to say....because they (we) have ALL been at the point you are at right now....


Rae