Currently I'm not on any meds, although I was taking Prozac and Librium, recently prescribed Perphenazine, yet no change in symptoms. I've taken depakote, lamictal, topomax and tegretol, I was on a therapeutic dose for both depakote and tegretol but not the topomax or lamictal. I had a terrible rash from the lamictal, which is sad because I thought it might have some beneficial use.

I live in Northwest Indiana near Chicago, which I can see the skyline from our beach and its quite beautiful. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for eleven years, switching every few years when I'm fed up with receiving no results. I know what I feel is more than just simple depression or anxiety and I want to be in control of my life, because I feel that I never have been.

I've seen three neurologist, all seem like empirical robots like they can't read between the lines and consider all of the symptoms as being from the same genesis. Thus one neurologist diagnosed me with narcolepsy, and migraines, while others simply advice me to see psychiatrists.
Luckily I have one very interesting psychiatrist who put all my symptoms together and diagnosed me with complex partial seizures or temporal lobe epilepsy. That diagnosis had been running through my head for at least three years, and my previous psychiatrist had suspected the same in 2007-2008. Unfortunately my current psychiatrist won't give me the AED only antipsychotics, which leave me even worse.

My Deja-Vu auras possible seizures occur at night. My heart begins to race and I start to get a funny feeling of euphoria, I feel like I'm floating with euphoria, and begin to see shapes and colors in my head that I feel I've always known as if they were there at my birth and I'm remembering my birth almost as if we all see god at birth and soon lose the amazing feeling it is to know a cosmic truth. I can calm down the event by getting up and walking. I've also had sleep paralysis with funny / frightening experiences, the one that stands out in my mind is the time I saw my mother how she was in the mid 70's before my birth with classic 90's gray aliens tapping at my window.

On New Years day 2000 I fell unconscious and had the strongest aura of my life. I felt as if I was having a head rush and fell to the floor. I was conscious or at least an altered form of consciousness trying to move past the strange deja vu experience along with strange perceptions of my movement like my limbs were moving quickly even though they were frozen.

I also have desperate daytime confusion and a desperate need for sleep, which I have had since a teen.

I feel like my thoughts are forced, its hard to make smart detailed decisions my thoughts are painfully forced and I feel I am sloppy emotionally, intellectually and motorwise. Currently I feel the left hemisphere of my head is in physical pain and feel my thoughts are distinctly unmistakably being forced from the left side. I've looked up forced thinking on google and have found a definition which matches my definition of the experience, but I am not sure if they are the same. I also have intrusive ocd like thoughts and have a love for art and design, which may be signs of Geschwind's personality.

My insurance won't cover my visits to the University of Chicago, which are quite expensive, but I've made and kept the first appointment anyways a terrible thing to do I know but I feel so desperate if I can get better then it was worth sidestepping the health insurance route.

I want to just get away or go to a safe place where I can be rehabilitated and released into the wild again. Financially my life is a wreck with many bills and student loans in repayment. I've filed three times unsuccessfully for SSI, so I've just quit the process entirely.
Well I believe I should end it there. Thank you for your advice as I feel even though it is good to read about TLE and mental illness on wikipedia or a reputable site, receiving advice from a person is wonderful.