Hi Darkside, and welcome to our little corner of the internet. I hope you keep coming and posting your story here, everyone is caring and supportive, and there is no need for you to feel guilty, and you won't ba judged.

I too know the pains of suicidal tendencies. I have very few reasons to stay alive, but I've managed to keep going by thinking of what it would do to my family if I killed myself. I can't bear to bring that kind of pain to them. It sounds like you have some family to love you too. You don't need to feel guilty about what you did, (though I don't think you should try again), now it is clear to your loved ones how much pain you are in, and they can help you and support you as much as you need.

I know it's hard to keep living, but please try, if not for yourself then for those who care about you. And please keep coming back here, this place is the most helpful form of medication I've ever known.