Tyson, I can't sleep either but I'm a night owl. The Pred may be doing the insomnia thing on you.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Give yourself a break - you have MG at age 17! That's a little bit much to ask of anyone. You're entitled to be grumpy or ticked or feel sorry for yourself from time to time. It's really an awful thing to happen to someone so young. Hell, it's hard at any age, this disease is so stupid.

I think that after a couple years of living with this disease and really understanding how it goes, you will be able to do some of the things you want. I honestly don't think you'll be able to do all of the things you want though. I guess you'll have to decide what things are the most important for you.

If you had friends who supported you in doing nothing, you could've gone to the beach, sat there and not talked much and kept cool and been okay. But I doubt that's how it would've gone. And that's the hard part - getting those around you to "get it" and support what you need to do to feel normal. Or rather support you to stay alive and out of a crisis.

My body isn't exactly how I'd like it to be either. I used to be "buff" like you. It sucks that I can't be in great shape like I used to. I do what I can with things like the "Body Blade" which I get more bang for my buck with. But I don't want to get into a crisis. I need to balance my life. And I got the two college degrees, was sort of wild, went on lots of road trips, etc. when I was young. You haven't even gotten out of high school. I'm sure it must be overwhelming.

Accepting getting sick may be the hardest thing ever. And all that goes with it. It will take time, so give yourself a chance to "grieve" and figure out what the new you will be like. And it may involve letting go of some friendships. I hate to say that but sometimes that's what it takes to live the life you want.

I have to tell you, being a "girl," that I don't look at guys for their abs. I want someone smart, kind, funny and who has tons of common sense. If they eat healthy and take care of themselves in other ways, that's good enough. And someone who is not a control freak like some of my former neuros! I know YOU want to look good for you but healthy has to trump that right now.

I'm probably not helping, I'm sort of just shooting things out there. I hate having MG. I really friggin' hate it. It has put my life in the toilet. HOWEVER, I get to choose how I perceive my toilet. I decide if I'm having a good or bad day. That may sound awfully trite and simplistic to you but all we have control over is our perception of our life. And our perception of others.

I hope you can get to a place that makes you relatively happy. It might take a while, so go easy on yourself.

Annie