Well, he takes 5000 of the methyl every morning, And his latest B-12 levels were OVER 2000 so his levels are good. His neuropathy, well, he's had it for over 18 years, we think it's from his back, no one else thinks it's from his back, he's had mri's and x-rays up the kazoo, but his chiropractor neurologist said it's from his glutes. He's supposed to do certain exercises, he's supposed to this, and that. HE DOESN'T DO IT.

Sadly, he is no longer motivated. He's gained weight. He is on the computer ALL THE TIME. I have tried talking to him. Explaining that "you have a stent, you have coronary artery disease, you have to start eating like I do, enough with all those sugar free jello pudding snacks with all that crap in it".

I was sincere, I did not mope, (I have my own problems with sciatica so I can't be anyone's baby sitter any more). I'm quite tired of doing this. And before he yells at me and starts to say "how can you say this to me, you used to weigh over 300 lbs, so you can't be saying any of this to me".

I reply 'I was NOT EDUCATED BACK THEN, we went to NUTRITIONIST, we KNOW BETTER NOW, and I'm applying what I know".

He just says 'okay, yeah yeah yeah"

I see where this is going.

He is depressed over the fact that our son is lost to us. That he gave his whole life supporting him, nurturing him, only to have him leave home 8 or so years ago, and become a gaming addict. My son couldn't care less about us, and that has destroyed my husband's mind.

I can fully understand this. I don't choose to let this happen to me. I went in the other direction. I learned how to put ME first, and I re-wired my brain how to look at food, and the other stuff comes naturally. I've spoken to therapist, and psychologists (one even comes to the PN support group), and I've discussed what losing our son emotionally has done to me EMOTIONALLY. It's lovely to have someone to run stuff by. I became validated and I know that when I detached emotionally from my son's issues, and set up boundaries, well it was the right thing to do for me.

I even joined a message board for parents of younger and older kids who are addicted to Worlds of Warcraft, second life, ALL VIDEO GAMES. They NEVER come off the computer, they never leave their rooms, they leave school, WELL IT'S A BIG PROBLEM.

But for me, the issue was MY HEALTH. I couldn't focus anymore on helping my son, I had to focus on me. I do this. It did have a cost though. My body spasms everytime I communicate with my son. Everytime my back goes out, or my bladder spasms, it's DIRECTLY because I communicate with my son.

I have to learn to physically detach from him. Maybe my spasming will stop. The psychologist says I have to put ME FIRST NOW.

But my husband?? well, he just self medicates with the wrong kinds of foods. He's a vegan, so one might think he would be thin. That is not the case. He eats the wrong kinds of stuff which he buys and brings into the house. He doesn't read any of these messages so I'm not afraid he will read this. I'm only afraid he will need another stent. He used to go to the gym and do the weights. It actually helped his neuropathy. The exercise brought blood flow to his feet.

But he is now a couch potato who goes from the couch to the computer, and back again.

I really don't know what to do. I can't motivate him. My son is in his own world 3000 miles away and could not care less. This is what has hurt my husband. He is not like me. He can't shut off his brain and focus on his health.

I'm thinking of writing a private letter to his primary care physician WHO IS A DOLL AND WHO MY HUSBAND ADORES.

If his doctor speaks to him firmly, I have a good idea that Alan will come home and say "Okay.... no more jello pudding snacks for me".

I shall give this a try.

thanks for letting me vent.

Melody