Dear Mom, reading your post I could feel your frustration and of course i know your pain so well.

I dont know if you remember my post- but my husband walked out on me the day after our 12th anniversary with out a word,just abondoned me.

I have been terrifyied. That was the end of December.

But i have to tell you in one way it has been a huge relief. it was so so diffucult to pretend to be normal - the pain to make him a sandwich for lunch , I would have to carry the tray in to his den, the pain it caused me,

I have full body rsd pain. then the pain to try to keep looking nice the pain to try and keep the house nice

the additonal pain to try to cook dinner etc etc I think you know what i mean.

When we are in so much pain it is so diffucult to try to appear normal and keep up with minor daily schedules. It was for me.

But if I didnt I felt like a sloth.My husbands face when i was in bed for 4-5 hours in the middle of the day said it all.

I forced myself way beyond my ability and i would pay a huge price.

My husband traveled alot, Thank God, as soon as he would leave I would collaspe in bed and I would be there until he walked in the door again and I would begin to play the normal routine again in excrutiating pain.

I dont know if any of that helps but I do understand, for that reason I am so happy to be alone in an apartment.

I never thought I would say that ,I loved my husband a great dealand was devastated when he left me, but it was just too hard. too much pain. you are in my thoughts and prayers. dc
I was just reading this to check my spelling and was thinking how terrible this monster is that it makes being alone and losing someone you love so dearly a relief..its so horrible.