Quote:
Originally Posted by bizi
well about 5 years ago I was so mad at someone that If they had been there I swear I would have killed them...I was so angry! Those feelings scared me to death!
I am not good at expressing my feelings...many times they come out wrong.
anyway..
It is nice to have nice conversations!  |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mari
Dear Bobby,
I don't remember your writing about anger like this in the past.
Is it fairly recent?
Is the anger more easily described as part of depression, a mixed mood, or depression?
Or is it more about deep seated feelings about the past coming to the service?
These feelings do not sound like fun and I am sorry you are going through them.
M.
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they aren't fun and i think it is a mixed mood. the pills were straitjacketing my feelings a bit but I know i became gradually explosive when i felt injustices were being done and damaged people were being used and possibly abused.
i also know i came in touch with how my parents really beat me up emotionally even through adulthood. I dont' think our being bipolar gives us good defenses.
I also got upset about health issues and then gained more weight because of the anxiety. now i am in a hole because the pulmonary doctor seems to think that my weight and anxiety are causing my breathing problems.
the ritalin worked for cutting down my appetite but it drove me so crazy. i started really obsessing and then just wanting to die. those feelings lasted until i stopped taking the ritalin.
the sweet guy i met also has been on my mind. i feel so vulnerable and from fear I am afraid I will upset the apple cart. instead of being happy I am scared now about that. my anger is diminishing.I am also trying to forgive myself for beating myself all my life because i couldn't perform the way i expected myself to perform because my bipolar anxiety etc really got in the way. it is really painful to be told how bright one is and then constantly see one floundering.
bobby