Kendra,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling depressed and have been having these memory problems! *hugs*

So the doc. says that cellcept can cause memory problems? Well, that's a relief to know that it's from the meds., and will get better once the dosage is reduced/stopped...I wasn't aware that these meds. could cause cognitive problems!

I totally relate to your feelings, so you're not alone, girl! I absolutely get depressed....I was very depressed just before getting this disease...I was under a lot of stress..Well, it's kinda complicated, because I was definately feeling very ill at this time too, and felt depressed because I wasn't feeling any better, and felt like i was getting worse...Really wanted to get on with my life, but had no energy and kept having new problems after every turn...It's all so complicated...

Don't let the depression tempt you into its trap. The classic strategy is to cause you to avoid friends/family, cause you to sleep excessively/not enough, eat a lot/not enough...

I think that all of our feelings are important, even sadness and depression. We experience those feelings for a reason. Maybe we feel, on some level, that we need to mourne over the past, in order to let it go...Or give ourselves a kick in the rear in order to get things done that we're indecisive about, or to make decisions that are healthier for us, but take a lot of mental/emotional work to go through...But if it gets outta hand...no conclusion is presenting itself, and things are getting worse, then I understand your fears about it...But hey, look at what you've been through! It's a negative situation that warrants some 'negative' emotions....But they don't have to be negative in the long-run...It sucks to feel them at the moment, but maybe you need those feelings because you feel that something under your control is hurting you...I'm only saying this because that's how I feel often when I get depressed...It's usually because I can't stop doing something that's no good for me, or 'can't' make a better choice because it's not something I'm accustomed to...

I know you've probably heard it a million times, as I have, but remember the serenity prayer...

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Even if you're not religious, or don't believe in a higher power, it still makes a lot of sense, and so still is great advice (I will take it now as well! )...

I know what you're thinking...When it comes to making hard decisions, like choosing maybe a hard place over a rock (meds. vs. mg), it's so hard to know what to do!

Try as hard as you can to be patient with the MG/meds.. Well, the sides you're experiencing can be dealt with, and I'm praying for you that they go away, because that's somethng that can be changed, and so should be...

Well, things are going to get better for you, believe me! How could they not? You're so nice, and you know when to get help when you feel you need it...The squeeky wheel gets the grease...

You wont have to be on these meds. forever....In my MG book, most of the people in there were able to get better after some time, and go off the meds., whether it was for a few years, or until present...Some people just get better, for seemingly no reason at all, and some of the others just got used to some of the sx. I think there's a certain measure of getting used to some of the sx... In the past, I was under the impression that I was going to go back to normal, which is why I was so upset when I didn't...I've finallly faced up to the fact that I might not be able to sing again like I used to, but now I remember that there are so many things that bring me pleasure, that I can still do...Being able to feel happy, even if it's in the context of losing some things, is good enough, because that's all I was trying to do in the first place is feel happy...

Btw, you're not whining at all! It's good to talk about your feelings- where else will you let off some steam where others really get it?

Anyway, to make a long story even longer, you will be happy again...Look in the mirror every morning and make your affirmations of all the good about you, and really remember all the truth in those affirmations...They're all true just as those bad feelings feel true...Isn't it funny how we never doubt the bad feelings we have, but are distrustful of the good ones?