as a young child I assumed the parent role and the shame of the family for my father's drinking. the parenting came from me primarily although my parents as i got older were very critical and i became the black sheep. i don't know what book would help me because of the confused nature of the whole thing. i blamed myself for not being perfect. my parents didn't give me the message that i was supposed to b e perfect. so many people told me how brilliant i was but i was an underachiever i think because of the bipolar. that obviously made me feel rotten about myself. i don't think a book would help me...maybe an entire library lol. I also have a lot of the insight...i just didn't have the emotional connection.I think I am gaining the emotional connection.
right now it is really hard because i hardly leave my apartment and i now have trouble walking more than half a block. I so isolated myself.
this isolation is really depressing myself.
also why i am saying that God is showing mercy on me. that is assuming GUILT...AS IF I HAD DONE SOMETHING BAD AND WAS SHOWING REPETANCE.
THAT IS THE SAME THING. i think God has been showing Grace on me.
Bobby