i actually think this is a major breakthrough. and they can be painful, but it will allow you to move through it and beyond it. i really don't believe we can go around things indefinitely. i do believe unresolved issues emerge in subtle ways. Also, if we are triggered - like with the news on Beau Biden - they can erupt quite unexpectedly like a volcano. i have had this happen. this could be useful. when it is cooked enough, it will be ok to put it away. in between, if it gets too much for you, you can take breaks - let it simmer covered for a bit and then check on it.

you have every right to be angry.

my former tdoc said this exact same thing... about the mountain and different perspectives. i was re-dealing with an issue that i thought i had dealt with. i was confused at having to deal with it all over again. she was trying to make the point that i had grown, and needed to deal with it from a different perspective. sometimes getting "older" is relative too. i think that one can grow emotionally in a very short time... sometimes it happens as a result of external influences.

i think you are hurting because you are no longer hiding from what happened. i think at the very beginning, you tried to deal with it, but it hurt too much. the fact that others were hiding from it corroborated feelings of guilt/shame and made it that much more painful.

i think the fact that you were able to tell your colleagues and that subsequently you did not feel awkward when you tripped up on some verbal things shows that you are becoming more self-accepting. that acceptance is enabling you to feel things that were inaccessible before... right now anger, which is understandable.

i wish there were something i can do to make things easier for you or help you through. if there is, please let me know.

you will get through this.

~ waves ~