Before I get going to far I'd like you to know that I usually start typing a reply etc. and then before I submit it I either delete it or edit it because I am always so fearful of sounding like a desperate, depressed, hopeless individual even though I have felt that way many times with this disease. I am not going to edit/delete this so if I ramble or hurt anyone it's not my intention at all and I apologize now.

What a great thread, especially for those of us (most of us) that still question it. The WHY'S are always there the ones I ask...

Why me? Why can't I have my right arm back? Why am fighting to get out of bed when I am just going to be miserable? Why do I have to take so much medicine just to make me feel a LITTLE better? Why do I pay for all these shots and the medicine when it gives a quarter of the relief I was praying for? Why does my daughter have to shave my legs and help wash my hair? Why am I in a daze? Why can't I drive? Why am I losing my memory?

My husbands why,

Why don't you sue the doctor that did the surgery, surely it's their fault, you were fine before? Why don't you want to go out? And so on!

My kids,

Why did you get this? Why don't you feel like jumping on the trampoline? Why can't you sit and watch me practice? And so on.

This disease has taken over my life and I want it back. That's why I am on this site. I need help, I need help understanding most of the why's. I need new ways of coping because the strong person I was before has left my body and been replaced by someone much weaker. I want more good days than bad not vice versa. I want to go and listen to a band without the drums sending me into a nightmare for days on end. I just want my life back.

I love my family and thank God for them or I would just curl up and die. I can't begin to answer all of their why's until I am able to answer mine.

I love the strength of the people on this forum because I know it takes alot of strength for us to put ourselves and our fears out there. I don't want pity and I am sure none of you do either, we just want answers. It is so nice to have somewhere to go to vent and when someone says, I understand, they really do!