Dear Sharla,

i feel for you adjusting to NYC. big cities are not my cup of tea either.

ignoring people is safest in metro areas, especially when you are uncomfortable - with or without obvious reason. avoid eye contact and do not answer questions. it is good that you lied about stuff to that weirdo, but better yet would be not to engage someone like that at all. pretend that they are talking to someone else altogether no matter what they say.

use peripheral vision to determine where they are and keep a safety zone around you, without making eye contact or looking directly at them.

here, people stand up and get near the door of the train as soon as the doors close for the stop before they need to get off. i have seen this in other places in europe too. where i am it is also common on a busy train to ask people near the door who did not clearly move-there-to-get-off, whether they are getting off at the next stop. they know from the question that you need to get off and will either say yes or let you get in front of them, so you don't have to scramble through an obstacle course when the train halts. i have never been on the NY subway though - i would check out how other people prepare to leave the train.

i am sorry about getting your head stuck in the door that must have been terrifying. i got my little finger caught in the door once - it was my fault but it was still scary. when the sensors don't work that is bad and it sounds like that is the case with your train. you did well to report it!

i understand the motivation to intervene with the child and the toy. but once again in metro areas it is really much safer not to intervene. first priority is to stay safe 100% of the time. besides there being different cultures, there are all kinds of weird elements, groups and gangs out there. a person who seems innocuous and alone may not really be alone, that includes a mother with child - it may be unsafe to mess with them. you just don't know. my great aunt used to say, trust is good, but suspicion is safer.

if something really bad is going on, call an authority. call more than one if you have to, say, call the cops on your cell phone and go and report the transit authority as well, in the case of subway incidents.

~ waves ~