is so very hard to do. Letting go of cigarettes, letting go of relationships, letting go of grudges, letting go of children, or anything else that was or is a big part of our lives is hard to do. Tonight I have come to the conclusion that letting go of my 3-D family is probably the best thing for me to do. I had done just that for so well until my older brother invited me to facebook. There I got a slimmer of hope that my younger brother and I could get back in good graces. So I sent him this poem I wrote the day before Mother's Day.
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Holidays

Written 5-8-10 in the early afternoon:

When you don’t like TV and your radio is all static,
I just sit and stare at the walls like they are mystic.

The loneliness brings my mind to good and bad,
Sometimes I’m productive but mostly I’m sad.

The booze takes the boredom out of my day,
When there’s no word from others what to say.

In this world where people are so misunderstood,
I go back and think of the shoulds and the coulds.

Sometimes I write in words that rhyme,
Sometimes I cry over things that aren’t mine.

Families seem to be the biggest part of what makes your day bright.
I sit alone all Holidays because mine are no where in sight.
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I saw this younger brother of mine whom I sent this poem to this past Sunday on Facebook tonight so I know he's been online for sure. He never answered my mail to him on Facebook or answered the emails I sent to his email addresses. I swallowed my pride and tried to break the ice. I didn't know how else to do it as I do not communicate well except when writing poetry. For the past 4 days I waited, checked over and over, for a response from him but nothing. It got me so down every day not hearing from him that I could barely function. I stayed in bed most of the time and lost all interest in things. Tonight I told myself that I am going to just have to let it go and accept that my 3-D family will never be there for me. I'm going to have to let the idea of family go and realize that it's just me like it has been for the longest time. At least I won't be continually getting my heart broke by my family no longer. It was this type of behavior from them that made me break ties with them before. So even though letting go is hard to do sometimes it just has to be done - Barbara