After an accident in 1997 left me with crushed nerves from the waist down including the left leg along with rather progressive RSD that spread to my right leg 5 years ago, pain became my constant companion. While I'm learning new things each and every day, I can say I've been around the block when it comes to both oral pain medications and infusion type ideas such as my beloved morphine pump that changed my life. I'd like to help others at whatever stage you're at if I can because yes, I do understand.

Anytime I hear those immortal words, "I'd never take this narcotic or allow that procedure or implant, because I'm stronger than that," I'd like to ask if they have any idea about what real pain can be? See the sad fact of life is that once the pain gets bad enough, you'll do anything to get away from it - and I do mean ANYTHING! If I had to drink cat pee, but it would make the pain ease up at least a little, here's my glass. When pain gets bad enough, desperation sets in, but being stupid can as well. I know, I was at the head of my class when I took that course twice I enjoyed it so much.

It's all about finding the right doctor and then taking the time to build the trust. When my Mayo's specialist decided I needed a pain doctor, he found another Mayo's trained guy who's simply changed my life.

As my damage and nerves continue to deteriorate and die as the narcotic tissue damaged and diseased my leg(s), the pain grew exponentially. Though I can't say I have actually fought depression since that's just not my style, I will say that I had many days when I just sort wished sleep would become eternal.

When the oral narcotics hit 160 mg of OxyContin plus the OxyIR kickers, plus the Morphine Sulfate kickers were my typical daily bread, we knew we had to find something else. That's when the morphine pump was finally discussed and wow did this scare the living daylights out of me, but we proceeded with the overnight stay in the hospital test anyway.

After they finally injected my spine with the good stuff, for 4 glorious hours I was actually pain free. With tears rolling off my face I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, but then I realized I was to naughty to have ever earned that privilege so instead it must be the medication. The test results were immediate and I was just blown away.

The hockey puck sized device was installed the following week. My first pump needed to be refilled every 8 weeks even though I was on the highest concentration (morphine comes in different strengths). After 5 1/2 years the battery died. That's when I tanked emotionally as all this pain just flooded back. Meanwhile I was battling infections in the legs and body-wide while a clot decided to head north and hit my lungs. Talk about a really crummy batch of days all hitting at once. Since I was such a high surgery risk and since we had me scheduled for a duel above the knee amputation, the pain doctor decided we'd have to hold back on my pump replacement till after I became stabilized post amputation. For 4 months, it was rough. After the amputation there were six weeks where I bounced off the walls and my poor wife joined me because of the pain being that unbearable. Then my new pump was reinstalled.

This time it's in the same location, except it slid south, so it's riding right along the belt line which makes bending over a bit of a thrill in all the wrong ways, yet there's not a day I'm not thankful for these amazing devices. When I saw an X-ray of how this all looks inside me, I became rather queasy over all the plumbing that runs through the middle of my body. Since my new pump has a much larger reservoir I don't have to have it filled near as often and since we increased my dosage even more, I'm now off the Morphine Sulfate. I'm still on my OxyContin and OxyIR cocktail combo.

Don't look at a morphine pump as a silver bullet. They're not. Don't expect all the pain to go away, because it probably won't. Do look at it as the most amazing device you'll ever see as the pain somehow eases out so you're just not blasted like you use to be now that the pain is more modulated throughout the day.

These are not small devices and don't even begin to compare them with pacemakers since they're so much larger, but I don't care about being lopsided - only that the pain is managed better.

For anyone who's wondering if this might work, then there's an easy answer. Go pack an overnight bag and check yourself in the hospital for an overnight stay with crummy food and a bed-mate who has bad taste in TV viewing. Then let the doctors fill up your spine. You'll know in minutes and you're life might just change forever like mine has.

Here's hoping you all get to take the same ride I have. Bob.