I get to feeling these mixed emotions sometimes and I can't seem to find a real reason for them. I try to remember what was happening at the time to help decide if something triggered that response but sometimes can find something in hind sight but sometimes cannot.

Sometimes it takes repeated episodes to trigger a hidden memory. I suffered for years being terrified of a cow if I was in the pasture or stall with one. Me on one side of a fence and it or them on the other was fine.

Finally my mom told me about an incident while touring a "farm" when I was 3 or 4. I remember the rabbits and petting those, but I don't remember the cow thing at all. I had to use the outhouse and on the way back to the group a calf came up and my mom paniced and pulled up onto a flat bed or into the back of a pickup and started screaming that the bull was going to get us.

I can now be around cows and not panic. I could control the feeling after that and now no panic or anxiety.

Same with men getting loud and angry. I finally had a memory triggered and know where the panic comes from and all the mixed emotions of wanting to hide, yell back, I can't begin to list everything that hits me, but since the triggered memory I have more control and don't feel the same amount of panic, don't feel like I am in danger etc.

I am still having problems with people I feel are in authority over me. Getting better but a long way to go on that one.

Thank you so much, when I panic like that and emotions go every which way I forget to mention other things that maybe important or related. I need someone to tell me I am feeling appropriatly. My other half does and did but somehow I needed to hear it from others.