I'm just so broken. My mind won't let me be happy, no matter how hard I try. I was at my roommate's graduation party, around a bunch of people, including my one-and-only friend who I haven't seen in over three months, trying to be social. I could barely get my friend to look at me, it was painfully obvious that she didn't want to talk to me. Then she and a couple other people started talking about the great time they had getting blitzed last night.

I tried to drink with them, I tried to talk to them, I didn't let it show that I'm a social outcast, I didn't let anyone figue out that I'm desperately depressed. I still don't fit in. Not even the only person to ever make me feel loved even cared that I was there. I was so uncomfortable that I couldn't sit still. My stomach was churning. I only had one drink and I threw it up.

I couldn't stand being around them, I pretended that I didn't feel well and left. If my friend was paying even a little attention she would have realized that something was wrong with me, but I doubt she's even noticed I left yet.

I'm too broken. I can't stand it, I can't stand life. I can't stand knowing that the only person I care about doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't even fit in with people I know. It's so hard to take even the tiniest "posative" steps, and when I do it only makes my life harder to bear.

I came to type here because you are the only people who will ever talk to me, and you are the only people who will ever care at all about me. I need someone but no one is willing to sacrafice their happiness to be around me.

God, I want it to end. I can't see how I will make it through the night. I can't see how to make it through tommorow, and I certanly can't imagine how I can stand to suffer through my new job...

Please God kill me, make it stop...