And work is finally done, all 12 hours of it. Now less then an hour til bed, then I get up at 5:45 tomorrow and work for eight or nine more hours, and the same every day til the weekend, where I still have to get up early, but i only have one hhour of work each of those days.

(Alffe) I don't think I have time to volunteer anymore. And even if I did have real friends, I would never be able to to anything with them because I have to get up early every day.

(Blue) Only one of the people in that group was a "friend". The rest were people I hardly know at all. That's why I figured it would be good for me to try and socialize with them. Clearly, I was wrong. And my one "friend," well, if I don't call her I'll probably never see her again. I'm easily forgetable you know. But I'll probably get really depressed sometime and call her, then she'll feel guilty and invite me to do something like we did in my first post, then I'll be filled with false hope, and of course it will just end the same way (or worse), and I'll be worse off then ever. I Know it will happen exactly this way but I will be powerless to stop it. *sigh

(Lisa) When I was little, my mom taught me to say prayers every night. But at some point, for some reason, I forgot for years. But maybe a year after my depression got really bad, I was reminded and inspired to start by, guess who, my one and only friend who no longer cares about me. Ironic. Anyway, talking to God really did help for a while, but you can only pray for the same thing so many times before it looses all meaning. I still pray every night, but I don't think it helps much anymore.

(Abby) Hmm... I don't know how much good I would be aroung kids; although it's true that I can tolerate people less and less the older they get, (or at least until they're over thirty). I guess it doesn't matter though, seeing as I still don't have time for anything but work and sleep.

I'm still not sleeping well at all, but the uncomfortableness of a new job has overridden some of the bad thoughts. They'll be back as soon as I get used to my new schedule.

Before this post gets anymore humongous or rambling, I better end it. I'm sorry I can't stop myself from posting the same thing over and over, but this is pretty much all I ever feel. Thank you all for the posts and thoughts.