sorry i haven't said anything in a while. Things aren't so good i guess. My parents well, my mom knows that the sleep thing is not helping me any and I think my dad knows that too. I told him I have been taking the over the counter stuff and so he is hopefull now that I can sleep again. I didn't want to get in it with him on how you can't be thinking i am going to keep taking that stuff cause we had company still, they are leaving tomorrow.

I am going to try the cpap thing again tonight I think, I have it ready, but I don't know yet. I ended up sleeping a total of 6 hours through out the day and night last night so that is a lot better than it's been in months. I don't know what to do about things at this point. Keep taking the over the counter pills till i get off the nardil in a few days or what?

I am down to 1 Nardil, I have taken myself off a lot faster than supposed to according to the pdoc, but I have had no ill effects from it, so I take 1 in the morning and that's it. I don't know if going to replace it with another anti-depessent or not, i haven't thought about it, and that pdoc said to see him in 3 weeks. so will be off the nardil by sunday probably and then see him in another 2 1/2 weeks. I don't know what to do about not being on an anti-depressent and don't know if i need to be on one, well i probably need to be on one, but right now, things are so emotional and screwed up that I don't care.
I actually have absolutly nothing to do this weekend, so I plan on, well this is what my mind and me have planned, to just sleep the weekend away. Be up for a few hours, take the pills and go back to sleep for a while, then over and over again. I know rationally not the best way to handle being so overly tired, and having my dad and step-mom home again, but right now I don't want to be awake and have to "feel" things.

My pain level has been beyond what I consider I can take today. I kept having to lean against the shower wall to wash the soap and conditioner out. I could hardly dry off and then i had to go to my room to sit on my bed to get dressed. That has never happened to me with the latest of this back problem. I had to sit on my bed and do my hair and make-up and then try and get into my mom's jeep while I had the vehicle to go and pick up some meds and go do some things before bringing it back to her.

I have been taking the pills that the doc gave me for pain and muscle relaxer like supposed to and hopefully will get the tens unit in a few weeks. The pain medication just isn't working and am having to take 2 at a time, and that isn't even working right now, at least not today, and then to add all that my ankles are 2 times their size. I am on a water pill cause i was so swollen for a while, and the swelling went down but now they are huge. I wonder if it could be from the humidity we have had the last 2 days here or the pain...i have no clue and i am not going to call the doc. about this...i feel like i am always calling that place and i will just deal with this as it comes.

I am sick of something always being wrong with me and then having to take a pill or going to the doc. for some sort of test, i am done with that right now.

I had hopes of getting a job soon, how can i even get a job if I can't walk to bring our garbage out or vacume or do the laundry without excrusiating pain 10 min. later. I just can't take this anymore, emotional and physical at the same time happens to lots of people i know, but it seems that's all there is with me for the past 2 months and I can't take it anymore.

I am 31 years old and feel like i have the body of a 100 year old who can or isn't even supposed to drive, can hardly walk and probably should be walking with a cane or something but I have been there before and that was because i had a dropped foot from a ruptured disc before surgery, this is nothing like that, just pain. Need to just suck it up and shut-up. There are people out there in much worse conditions that me and i should be grateful for what i have.

Ok, well that's my complaining again for the day.
have a good weekend
jen