yes actually i do think it's nothing, i think am just complaining and would take up the doc. time.

I really don't or I dont' know. I can't make a decision about things right now. I don't even know if I should take my meds tonight for fear of becoming sick during the night. I am not taking that night time sleepy thing cause i don't know if that is causing it so that won't be in the mix, but i have some others to take, and the idea of swallowing pills right now doesn't sound very appealing to me or my stomach.

I know am not thinking right, but it's how am thinking. Too much in my head to comprehend what i need to do for me. I don't know about PT tomorrow, i haven't been able to take a pain pill all day today so maybe the pool might help. I really need some T3s and a soma so my back can stop spasming, but putting pills down my throat right now does not appeal to me. I dont want to make anyone mad or waste anyones time if I can't do the exercises in there.

I can't stop shaking, well my hands anyways and I don't know if I can stand this any longer. Too many symptoms so it has to be all made up right? I mean does anyone have this much wrong with them at one time? Then go into the doc. and they say oh yeah that is wrong and this is wrong, oh yeah you are right you are not feeling well...no I don't think so, they will tell me there is nothing wrong with me, do the blood work like usual and send me on my way...why do that? there is no point. They usually don't find anything wrong anyways, so what makes this time different? I can be my own doctor this time and just stay home and be sick or whatever it is I am.

I really hate myself right now, for especially dragging everyone of you into this world of mine that doesn't exist. And if I am sick, oh well. There isn't anything anyone can do for me, they have told me for the past 2 weeks they won't help me with my sleep and then if something happens because i take something for sleep they all of a sudden want to help...how f***** up is that? So not worth going in there and the humiliation of being there all the time.

Doesn't that make sense to anyone beside me? Anyways, I don't feel real right now, nothing feels real. Am just like floating and not able to ground myself here. So i have to go now, nothing is real right now, and i don't feel real. I don't even know what am saying or why am saying this. just don't worry cause things will be fine later. i eventually come back to earth after feeling like am floating for a while.

Thanks everyone and sorry for wasteing everyone's time and energy on this subject. I dont' know if you can just leave this alone or errase the whole topic or what, but not worth anymore time being spent on it.