I am 19 years old, and played competitive hockey my entire life. 2 years ago I had a terrible concussion, my 4th during a game. For the first time in my life, I experienced symptoms of post concussion. This completely changed everything. I was always known to my peers along with anybody that knew me to be extremely outgoing, confident, and intellectually sound. I never had any problems making friends and could fit into any situation. Not to say I was always completely happy, but my life was pretty good. The symptoms hit me hard. I remember feeling extremely extremely depressed about a week after the hit. I took myself out of hockey entirely, realizing that this feeling is something I can't afford to feel again. My outlook on life changed entirely, which I knew was a direct result of this concussion. I felt in a permanent haze, and felt "weird." This feeling is impossible to really describe in words, but can be summarized by just not feeling right or like yourself. Something was extremely wrong, and I was truly afraid. About 7 months later, I came out of it finally. My happiness returned, and I finally felt my confidence come back with my intellect, focus, and motivation. My entire life, previous to the concussion I considered myself a very social person. I could talk to anyone, given any situation, which gave me confidence about myself. When this returned, life couldn't be better.
Long story short, about 3 months ago the symptoms have returned with vengence. I got hit with a basketball at the end of my freshman year in college. It didn't hit me that hard, but I remember being jarred up from it. All of a sudden, I'm right back where I started. My focus is horrible again. My motivation, gone. I'm right back to that "weird" feeling that I cannot seem to get out of, no matter what I do. I try everything to get myself out of it, but to no avail. My thought process is slowed. I feel less intelligent then I did before. I have racing thoughts, weird thoughts that I have no idea why I am thinking them. I almost feel that I am not in touch with reality anymore. Many people tell me that they cannot tell by talking to me briefly that something is wrong. But something is terribly wrong. It is almost impossible to describe. I am extremely scared, and nervous as to when this will go away. I rarely have headaches, which is unusual from all the reading I've done. However, I do feel a pressure at the top of my head, that I definitely feel. I start a new school in September, which I need to get better for. I don't have time to feel like this. This time around with post-concussion, my social anxiety is much worse. I don't want to see anybody, and get extremely nervous when I do. I am used to being so social and good with people, and now because of this syndrome that all is lost. I don't go out with my friends anymore, and they are left asking all sorts of questions. I stay home, praying that this will go away so I can resume my life, confident and feeling my normal self.
I had to vent somewhere, and was wondering if anybody had any sort of comments to my story, or if they have experienced some of the same effects. Anything. Thanks.