I remember you from years ago SeamsLike and I'm sorry that nothing has improved for you. Like you, I could never put my family through another suicide but unlike you, I don't live with PN. I'm wondering if you didn't grief "properly" over your Mothers suicide. You had so much else going on in your life at that time....did you go to a support group? Talk to people about it (besides your jerk of a husband)?

I used to be a people pleaser too but got over it. You MUST tell your dr. the truth about your depression so he/she can help you. It doesn't mean you're weak but people cannot help you if they don't know how you feel.
Depression is a beast...a deadly one.

If you can't say the words, write them out and hand it over to the professionals. Now I have a dr. that really listens to what I am telling her and she works with me until we find a solution to whatever medical problem I am having ...ie, not sleeping.

I'm glad you came back here to talk to us....please, keep talking.