Dear Mel

i am sorry your mother is treating you this way, causing you to feel ashamed.

it is possible she is trying to protect you... if you have been 'up' maybe you are dressing in ways which are unconventional or doing unusual things... she may be trying to point that out, but doing so in a derogatory way.

criticism delivered that way hurts. it doesn't matter if there is good intent or any intent at all - it still hurts. and it is perfectly 'normal' to have negative feelings ensue, and want to be alone. evne if you don't really want to be alone, just to protect yourself from others being mean.

when i am too up i too am more outgoing, and put myself 'out there' - sometimes people are very friendly and other times they seem to get weirded out.

i don't know if when you are up you are suppressing the bad stuff. some people do do it as a defense mechanism, but other just go through up and down moods. either way, it is not a conscious thing.

maybe you could talk here about the things you fear you might be suppressing at times.

i am sorry you are having a hard time.

we are here and can listen.

~ waves ~