Hello everyone... Thank you all for holding my hand through a few really dark days.
If any of you are members of HMO's you know how hard it is to get doctors to come out of their "Pigeon Holes" I see a Psyche for the depression, I see a Neurologist for the Neuropathy, I see an Internist as my Primary Care, and even though my medical records are on a main frame computer, accessible to all of the doctors, it seems they don't "share" their puzzle pieces. Oh, they can, they just don't want to go outside their own little boxes! It would involve them spending more than their 15 minutes per patient, and that would just be too much effort!

So, now that I have my CPAP machine, which by the way I'm still getting used to... I seem to be sleeping better. And, this morning, as SOON as I took it off, I could feel my sinuses filling up! I mean within SECONDS!!!

Before I put it on last night, I did a sinus rinse, so I could breathe through my nose while sleeping,,, as up to this point, I have always slept with my mouth open because my sinuses are always clogged... allergies....to many many things. So, anyway, I put the little mask on, lie down, and slept pretty good, except for the trying to turn over part... I even got up only ONE time to go to the bathroom instead of the normal THREE times!

I truly hope this will help me to sleep better, therefore feel better during the day, therefore, be less exhausted all the time. Problem ONE of SEVEN tackled.

It has helped me think clearer also.
On my way in this morning... (as you may remember I have quite a long commute)... I broke my issues down into a few categories:
1. Always Feeling Exhausted
2. Depression
3. Neuropathy Pain is Constant
4. Too Long of a Commute
5. Too much work load
6. Daughters putting too much stress on me
7. No money saved or put aside to move or put deposit on a place of my own.

A. The CPAP machine will hopefully address item #1.
B. Doctors appt. on July 15, and medication will address item #2 and maybe #3
C. If I move away from the house, and closer to work, now that Ex-husband has job and daughter with granddaughter is back with her fiance (baby's daddy), that will address Issue # 4, 6 and 3. However, #7 is a big hindrance to this!!!!!

I am going to reach out to step father and ask for a loan...it is a difficult thing to ask, and he doesn't usually do it, but it's worth it to ask.

I realize I have been a real downer here, and have really unloaded some negative thoughts. I appreciate you all holding my hands and hugging me through it.

There are definitely times when we all have those really dark days that we just can't find the exit door.... and if we just stop and take a few breaths, relax a little, and let God guide us, He will show us where the door is. Also, some friends holding our hands and hugs help a lot!!!!

I am looking forward to having some space of my own again.
I am however worried about some things....
1. That my step dad will not loan me the money.
2. That my drug addicted daughter will find out I have an apartment of my own and try to come back to "pretend" she is getting sober again and park on the couch. I have always told her that if she wants to get drug free, she can come home to do so... but at this point, I am just not strong enough to do so any more. She has cost me too much. Two apartments, a car, and my health suffers when she is around because of the stress.
3. That my daughter with a child will "again" break up with her boyfriend and need a place to stay... but I'm going to leave that up to her dad!

I guess I'll cross those bridges when I get there!

I'll keep you all posted on my progress....