Hey my (wish you weren't)lonley friend!
I truly hope you're going to pull out of this slump... and altho you have said it many times that you can't afford the help, I truly believe that if you were to find a caring doctor, they would have a way to help you with affording medication for your depression.
Surely where you live there is a drop in place to reach out and get the help you need.
I apologize if you've heard this all before... but if you truly believe you can change your life... well, then... you can!
I speak only of what I know.
I really do care! Addy