I'm writing this today, mainly to vent a little bit of the intense pain I've been feeling for the last week. I have headaches, which reside only on the left side of my head, and a lot of dizziness. I think some of my current issues are in part due to Anafrinil for OCD. I was given Anafrinil to calm down some of my OCD intrusive thoughts, but my OCD-like thoughts are only small beans compared to the nauseating pain in my head. My doctor strongly suspects partial complex seizures, but at the moment I'm not being treated for this.
I suspect I might need some acute care, addressing both my neurological and psychological problems. Having this pain is really difficult, one day it seems I'm going to endure the problems until I can breath again, and focus on coping with the pain. Other days I just want out, meaning I get an often regrettable feeling that I just want to die. In those moments my mind desperately is seeking out methods to kill myself, although I really don't want to it's just so intense and it has been that way since 1993 I see no way out short of being miserable everyday. If I am to save my own life I know deep inside that I need to know what is going on with me, if it is TLE I'm all about doing everything I can under the sun to bring back coherence to my mind. I'm afraid of both the disease and of hurting myself, I really don't want to, but it crosses my mind more and more in the last six years.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist and possible neurologist next week, I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs please help, I don't want to get into a bad spot and do something irrational, I'll stay here at the clinic please just give me relief. I'm reaching out here on Neurotalk because my psychiatric clinic is tired of seeing my face they believe if I'm not in immediate danger to myself I should just make an appointment and just get over it. What they don't know is how intense the headaches are and the confusion / forced thinking I feel. It seems at these junctures my person is at the total mercy of whatever disorder I'm suffering. I know others out there have TLE and some have had psychotic episodes. I will try to see an epileptologist and make strong mention of what my psychiatrist has concluded. I don't mean to ramble on, I'm just a bit out of sorts at the moment.