I totally understand how you are feeling but the main thing you have to remember is that your step-mother knew you loved her. She's not here to know you didn't make it to her funeral. She is watching over you and knows why you didn't.

I didn't make it to either of my sisters funerals. It was 1200 miles away though. I did go down when my one sister was going through the last of her bout with cancer and spent time with her and my other sister. I talked to my oldest sister on the phone the whole time she was dealing with her cancer. The one went through chemo and radiation and the other didn't and let me tell you the one that didn't actually suffered less in my book. My brother that died of cancer also opted not to have treatment and he went through less. I now have a brother going through chemo and radiation and when I saw him, he was not doing good. By watching them I have already told my Dr. I will let him walk me thru it without those treatments if and when the time comes.

I still miss all 3 of my siblings more then anything. I think we just have to remember the good times Don't feel guilty for the one day you couldn't go to see her, remember the years you did.

I hope you feel better soon. Think about some of the fun times you had with her and that will put a smile on your face.

Ada