Sorry for the grief you're going through Pete. I lost my mother last december. My wife couldn't take the 3 hour drive to a funeral for my mother who she's known for 30 years. My family understood perfectly but her family does not have anything to do with her any more for any reason. I'm talking about 8 brothers and sisters who've I've known for 30 years. And for the life of me I just don't understand why. My wife is a moral, ethical shy girl who, being the eldest who helped raise her youngers, leaves me speechless most times. All you can do is move on and not dwell on those who dismiss you. Your mother knows your heart and that is all that matters. I would compose letters to those who dismiss you and explain to them why and what prevented you from appearing even though they may have heard it all before.