Make the man grow up! Have a hissy fit! Quit cooking for him and doing for him! He HAS to, no MUST take control of HIS problem.
OR Simply WALLOW in it.
Melody, he's grown up! Either he is gonna do that which he must to get better or not/wallow in misery. HIS CHOICE. Not yours. And you are too good and strong to be an enabler in this. Don't make HIM your crutch.
Thus, IS it HIS problem or YOURS?
I am sorry to seem to harsh, but Alan truly needs help of many sorts...and your ministering to/for him isn't gonna get HIM out of his self-imposed cage.
I know, because I've been there. And I wasn't 'fun' to be around either!
Just think on this and then think again! Don't be mad at me please? I've been mad about thinking many things myself about the pain, etc. and you can get on one of those squirrell wheels and go round and round and round. To no good. My heart is with you, good person and: 's - j