The old link (not working now), of a very funny thread, was
http://neuro-mancer.mgh.harvard.edu/...ML/000905.html
This "thread"/topic, used to be on the PN/peripheral neuropathy forum, back on Braintalk 1.
I'm going to slowly re-type selections from it, and put them here, piece by piece, from my paper copy I had made, and hope you all like it!
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legna (from New York), wrote on 07-22-2000, 11:39 PM:
Can we all relate to this or is it just me?
WHAT DOCTORS SAY / WHAT THEY'RE REALLY THINKING:
* "This should be taken care of right away."
(I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.)
* "Welllllll, what have we here...?"
(He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.)
* "Let me check your medical history."
(I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)
* "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
(I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time or I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.)
* "We have some good news and some bad news."
(The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.)
* "Let's see how it develops."
(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)
* "Let me schedule you for some tests."
(I have a forty-percent interest in the lab.)
* "I'd like to have my associate look at you."
(He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)
* "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
(I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)
* "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
(I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)
* "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
(I think I'm going to throw up.)
* "This may hurt a little."
(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)
* "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"
(I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)
* "This should fix you up."
(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)
* "Everything seems to be normal."
(Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.)
* "I'd like to run some more tests."
(I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe that kid in the lab can solve this one.)
* "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
(You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me.)
* "There is a lot of that going around."
(My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.)
* "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
(I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.)
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eWOODY, from USA, posted this on 01-14-2001, at 12:15 PM
HANDY EXERCISES TO PREPARE YOU FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE
1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe you with his applicator.
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat.
3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort".
5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
6. Remove all actual food from the house.
7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.
8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.
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More, later.
Carol
http://cantbreathesuspectvcd.com