PTSD, once again. It would make sense since I seem to be pre-disposed.

Thank you for your hand, Bobby. Thank you for your hugs, Nikko, bizi, Befuddled. Ah, Mari. Doctors scare me. They push drugs on me like candy, and I don't want anymore.

I tried to meditate through a HUGE panic attack yesterday and I ended up thinking about the wreck. So I made myself see myself in the car all crumpled up. It did not help at first. I freaked.

But then I made myself see how I am now. See me getting out of the car and that I really am physically fine. I walked away with a few bumps and an abrasion.

So, I kinda wrote a story in my head. I will have to take a few minutes when I freak and just make myself see that I walked away.

I think it was better that I didn't see the 4Runner after. But I am curious. I think that if I had seen what happened to the car, I would have had that picture in my head instead of the ER guys getting me out safe.

Plus, I had to talk to my ex over the weekend. The boys got in a fender bender and the cops took 2 hours to process the scene. It was a joke, and the cops were harrassing the boys, so all the parents drove over to the scene and instantly the kids were let go with a warning. sigh. More trauma.

One thing at a time, I guess. One moment at a time. It helps to know that you all are here. And it helps to see that others are on the same path as I am and they are making their way out.

I remember you talking about the explosion, Bobby. It was alot to process. I think you are doing remarkedly well, and I will follow your advice.